At times before I have a great vision of my own future. As I have a large connection of friends, a strong will to learn anything, A passion to discover and explore into something new, the courage to commit myself to something i feel like to without much to concern and think that I am always sure of what I am doing its right.
But today sitting infront of my notebook typing this blog on a FRIDAY night is something IMPOSSIBLE for me in my life all the while.. At first I thought this is something good as I could really use sometime to rest myself from all the socializing activities and daily work pressure...
But from the point of relaxing, it has became something permanent now..
My phone is not ringing as like before , my inbox's aren't occupied as before except for receiving lots of junk mails that keeps spamming my phone.
My friends who used to ask me out for party & chill, close friends who used to hang out and share thoughts once in a while has gone with a distance.
In fact, I couldn't imagine this is the longest period in my life staying single from hating it to loving it and from loving it to dont know what to do with it.. haha isn't this funny. Just couldn't imagine that this happening to me. I don't know how to describe the feeling and to who to express to..
Therefore, I have been thinking everyday lately, to find out the reasons why is this happening..
In fact many reasons came across my mind...
* Maybe im to busy with my work and by the time i finish i just wanna have some quality time for myself and i had too much of it already till it became a new life style that at this stage i havent got used to it..
* Maybe all friends are to fill my time all the while and mine to fill theirs.. Once we fall from their track they wouldn't look back for us.
* Maybe im too pressure and that i don't realise all the while im the one who's keeping myself away from others...
Agrhhhh!! I just feel lost.. I keep asking myself, why do i work so hard now and i don't earn what i deserve? Why i have so many brilliant plans and none of it has started? Why am i always the one and also the only one in a group who seems to care what we are doing..
Where am I now? Could anyone tell me?
